BD Chapter 4: Gesture
by BellaAliceEsmeRoseHaleCullen
Summary: This is my version of Chapter 4 of Breaking Dawn: Gesture. From Jacob's Point of view. "I couldn’t handle not seeing her for this long. Her brown eyes that shone when she smiled. That stupid little blush that I found so irresistible...."


Chapter Four

Chapter Four. Gesture.

_Bella. Bella. Bella._

This one word kept revolving in my head, over and over.

_Jake, come back. Jake, come back!_

Another familiar thought. But this one wasn't nearly as strong as the other one. Because I knew it wasn't true. Why would Bella want me to come back? It was definitely better if I stayed away.

But I couldn't. I couldn't handle not seeing her for this long. Her brown eyes that shone when she smiled. That stupid little blush that I found so irresistible. She was going to be the death of me. I just know it. Running away had been the smartest thing I'd ever done.

But the running hadn't had the effect I'd wanted. As much as I tried to forget her, it seemed like every day without her only made me think about her more. The longing to be near her was probably why I had started going back. I couldn't take it. Maybe if I saw her one last time, I would be able to go and forget her. She was dead anyway. It shouldn't make a difference if my last memory of her was then or now. But it did.

I wanted to see her on her wedding day. The psychic bloodsucker was sure to dress her up. I wanted to see Bella looking amazing, even though it was him she was looking that way for. I knew that this memory to come, of her looking beautiful, and warm, and alive, would be the image that would come when I thought of her. It might sound nice, but it isn't. Thinking about her that way, and then remembering what she had become, would haunt me forever. And it would be forever. Death might be welcome now- I mean, honestly, what did I have to live for?- but there was no way I was going to stop phasing. I loved being a big, hairy wolf too much for that.

So I was running, no, sprinting, trying to get there in time. To just talk to her once at the reception. Then I would leave, and she would leave, and that would be that. I might not get there in time. Would I be okay with that? Seeing her might hurt more, but I wasn't going to stop running now. I'll just keep going and if I make it, I make it. But I really wanted to make it.

I stopped at my house to grab clothes since I didn't have any on me. Thankfully, Billy was at the wedding, so I didn't have to explain myself to him. I tied my clothes to my ankle and changed into my wolf form in two seconds flat. I ran through my stupid tow and into the bloodsucker boundaries. It wasn't hard to find the house- all I had to do was follow the scent. With every Cullen and their vampy friends, the smell was awful. But nothing I couldn't handle. I stopped in the shadows of the wood, changed back and got dressed. I had only been for a second before he heard my thoughts. I saw them dancing on the far side of the dance floor. Then he turned and looked straight at me. I nodded, smiling faintly. He grinned at me, and then at Bella. He started to spin her towards where I was. I tried to not think anything- that would probably help. They stopped before the shadows I was hiding in.

"Thank you. This is very… kind of you," he said.

"Kind is my middle name," I answered, a slightly sardonic smile on my face. I heard Bella gasp. She looked like she was about to faint. After a minute, she whispered, "Jacob! Jacob!"

"Hey there, Bells."

She was stumbling towards me, looking kind of drunk. I reached out and grabbed her by the arms. I pulled her into a hug, one I was determined to keep very platonic. I failed, of course, and rested my cheek on her head. My mind was still blank, but I think her vamp could sense the pain.

"Rosalie won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor," he muttered. He glanced at us one last time- his eyes filled with worry, for me or her. I didn't know- and then disappeared.

"Oh, Jacob. Thank you." Bella was crying, a sound that ripped at my heart.

"Stop blubbering, Bella. You'll ruin your dress. It's just me."

"Just? Oh, Jake! Everything is perfect now."

It took me to make her world perfect? I thought that was what he was for. I snorted. "Yeah- the party can start. The best man finally made it."

"Now _everyone _I love is here."

I couldn't resist kissing the top of her head. Ah, to hell with the less pain thing. "I'm sorry I'm late, honey."

"I'm just so happy you came!"

"That was the idea." Yes, it was. The point of my life was to make her happy. Nothing else mattered, not my pain, or the fact that she was going to become a lifeless bloodsucker.

"Does Billy know you're here?"

"I'm sure Sam's told him. I'll go see him when," I hesitated, "when the party's over."

"He'll be so glad you're here."

I straightened up, leaving my left hand on her back and putting her right hand over my heart. I started to dance slowly with her. "I don't know if I get more than just this one dance. I'd better make the best of it." We danced for a moment. "I'm glad I came. I didn't think I would be. But it's good to see you… one more time. Not as sad as I thought it would be."

"I don't want you to feel sad."

"I know that. And I didn't come tonight to make you feel guilty." If anyone, he and I were the guilty ones.

"No- it makes me very happy that you came. It's the best gift you could have given me."

I laughed. "That's good, because I didn't have time to stop for a real present." Not that it would have occurred to me. This didn't really feel like a gifts occasion.

"When did you decide to come back?" She asked, finally looking me in the eyes. Who knew what she saw there.

"Consciously or subconsciously?" I breathed deeply, slightly reluctant to talk to her about it. "I don't really know. I guess I've been wandering back this direction for a while, and maybe it's because I was headed here. But it wasn't until this morning that I really started running. I didn't know if I could make it." I laughed. "You wouldn't believe how weird this feels- walking around on two legs again. And clothes! And then it's more bizarre because it feels weird. I didn't expect that. I'm out of practice with the whole human thing." I looked down at her, taking in how gorgeous she looked. "It would have been a shame to miss seeing you like this, though. That's worth the trip right there. You look unbelievable, Bella. So beautiful."

"Alice invested a lot of time in me today. The dark helps, too."

"It's not so dark for me." I could see her every feature perfectly.

"Right. You cut your hair."

"Yeah. Easier, you know. Thought I'd better take advantage of the hands." I'd taken about five minutes at home to chop the long hair.

"It looks good."

I snorted. "Right. I did it myself, with rusty kitchen shears." I grinned broadly, then stopped. "Are you happy, Bella?"

"Yes."

"Okay." I shrugged. "That's the main thing, I guess."

"How are you, Jacob? Really?"

"I'm fine, Bella, really," I lied easily. "You don't need to worry about me anymore. You can stop bugging Seth."

"I'm nut just bugging him because of you. I like Seth."

"He's a good kid." Pain in the ass, but a good kid. "Better company than some. I tell you, if I could get rid of the voices in my head, being a wolf would be perfect."

"Yeah, I can't get mine to shut up, either." She laughed and so did I.

"In your case, that would mean you're insane. Of course, I already knew that you were insane."

"Thanks."

"Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind. Crazy people's voices don't send babysitters to watch them." I rolled my eyes.

"Huh?"

"Sam's out there. And some of the others. Just in case, you know."

"In case of what?"

"In case I can't keep it together, something like that. In case I decided to trash the party." I smiled, a mental picture of myself destroying the reception in my head. page 62


End file.
